Are you brave?
Are you brave??
What does that even mean? Am I going to dare you to do something once I have you committed to a statement? Not a bad idea…
Let’s think about what it means to be brave. Does this bring to mind someone who is absolutely fearless? Someone who runs towards trouble? Honestly, moving towards your trouble can be a good thing. No one is without fear however. It is biologically wired into us to be afraid of things. It kept us from getting eaten by bigger, scarier things when we walked around in loincloths and hunted mastodons like in those documentaries I watched on late night TV.
In more recent times, the instinct is still there to keep us safe. We learned as children not to touch the hot stove once we were burned. Sometimes we just watched others’ folly and avoided making the same mistakes ourselves. We’ve all said “Wow, glad that wasn’t me!”
Now that we have acknowledged fear as useful, how many times has it prevented you from doing something that could have been good for you? Did you want to start your own business, but didn’t take the plunge? How about asking for that guy’s number? Making the first move? Going to get a second piece of cake at the buffet line, but you didn’t want anyone to judge you.
Bravery is not about the absence of fear, but turning towards that fear and deciding to move through it anyway. We’ve all heard this cliché. Things become clichés because there is truth to them.
Think about an argument that surfaced in your relationship or even a friendship. Was it your fault? Theirs? Does it matter? If someone you care about is angry, it can be hard to approach them. You are worried about making it worse and damaging that relationship further. You care about them and you want the two of you to be happy and healthy.
A lot can ride on one argument, especially at the beginning of a relationship. I want you to TURN TOWARDS your fear! The scariest parts of the situation are in your head! You make it worse by avoiding it and by thinking of all the ways that it will turn out bad. By engaging our fear through engaging our partners, we will be able to move through the problem, for good or ill, without adding to our own suffering.
Go to your partner! I generally opt for the bandaid method. I will work to address the issue as quickly as possible with someone. This can be downright frightening. I acknowledge that there is a problem and that I am ready and willing to talk to them when they are ready. You want to make sure that they are in a good place to talk. If they still too angry to communicate to you, it’s not time.
If you are there to extend that olive branch, they will know that you are committed to putting in the relationship work.
Recognize that your Fear is not your Reality! We might be examining all of the catastrophic reasons why we are doomed to be alone in our heads, but that does not make them true.
Be willing to admit when you are wrong. This does not mean figuring out who was to blame about an issue necessarily. It can also be about recognizing that we all say and do some dumb things in an argument.
Collaborate, don’t fight. When communicating with your partner, remember that you are part of a “we” and not a separate “you and I”.
It can help you take the steps needed to fix a relationship, improve your job situation, or get you another piece of dessert at minimum!
Are you Brave in your relationship?
5 tips for doing the hard thing.
Recognize that your Fear is not your Reality!
TURN TOWARDS your fear!
Be willing to admit when you are wrong.
Go to your partner!
Collaborate, don’t fight.